Sunday, April 8, 2012

ORDER OF SUSHI NOOBNESS

The other day I was asked a question which seemed a bit 'why would you ask that?!' because they knew I had bad eyesight. If you didnt know that then I guess just consider that for the scenario. 
I was in the car with Person A who knew I had bad eyesight. They pointed to a sign far in the distance (one of those black boards with orange digital writing about road blockages/expected traffic etc) and asked me to read it. And I found that because it was quite far away and that my contacts are a tad out of kilter, I couldn't read what it said properly. And then Person A asked me in a very condescending tone : 'but don't you have your contact lenses in?' 
So then I thought, 'why would you ask that?' You KNOW and even at times tease me about my eyesight so you understand that if I didn't have my contacts in, I wouldnt be able to read the fifty road directions on the street directory you just asked me to read. And then when I cant read a sign that is just under a kilometer away, you ASK me if I have them in?!! REALLY REALLY! Just because someone has their contacts in doesn't mean that they can fully read the text a mile away. You know, for someone with bad eyesight, having glasses/contacts doesnt always make every letter appear so damn crisp and shiny. I think I was just mad at the fact that they always tease me..sigh. 

Anyway, we had a fun maths lesson with Mr @lder on Thursday. He told us about how the Titanic didnt sink..or 'snap' the way it was portrayed in the movie. Also, it didnt obey any physical or mathematical laws haha. Very interesting. 

I have this sort of new love for half grilled smoky salmon. If any of you are regulars at sushi trains, you may have tried the 'grilled' salmon dish where they place a sliver? of salmon ontop of an oval of rice and they put a blow torch on it. OMG THE SMOKEY FLAVA with the shallots and onion and THE WASABI and THE GINGER and soya sauce ALL TOGETHER OISJDFOI MMMM. Do try it :) 
Alrighty, I must tell you of this, well how do I say it... 'Order of Sushi Noobness'. 

When you first go to a sushi train, you may say to yourself- what is all this rawness? Everything looks so funky! Dont even mention the fact that as you walked through the very doors, everyone frigging screamed something at you! Was it japanese, chinese, korean? And OMG everyone is staring at me! So I sit down and see the dishes go past me. Oh my theres a raw prawn!!...I swear it just blinked at me! Never mind that, I see a familiar face coming, it is none other than THE SIX TINY ROLLS IN A 3 BY 2 RECTANGLE WITH CUCUMBER IN THE MIDDLE! HAW HAW EASY PEASY JAPANESY! And then I finish that dish. OH maybe now I'll try EXACTLY THE SAME PLATE only with... SALMON IN THE MIDDLE HAWHAW RAW FISH! Lol, this is still the noob stage, clearly. 

The next stage, called nooblet, occurs when the diner wants opts for the dish consisting of 2 slices of raw plain salmon ontop of 2 ovals of rice, and for that extra bit of funk, theres a green shallot on the top. And maybe, they try the cute little egg ontop of again, ovals of rice. 

Stage three is called competent, where they enjoy the sushis with ROUND inside out rolls of rice with salmon, tuna, avocado and cucumber in the middle. If you choose chicken-teriyaki then you're back to nooblet. If you choose chicken-katsu then you're midway between nooblet and competent. Get real folks, eat the damn fish. Stop clinging onto the chicken. 

Stage four is known as, quite simply WASABI. Yep, you have started to complement the dishes with a mixture of soy sauce, ginger and wasabi. And you realise, HEY THIS STUFF IS LIKE A DEER TO A CAVEMAN. Solid progress my dear. 

Stage 5, also known as SASHIMI is when you have the audacity to talk to one of those waitresses for a PLATE OF SASHIMI. And you know why you like it? Because not only does it have the wonders of raw fish all on a plate, but it has a dollup of the finest wasabi right in the middle of the plate. Respect the salmon. But also respect the tuna. And the kingfish. 

Stage 6 is when you have the heart, and may I say the mind, to look at a prawn, with its aghast face staring right back at cha (remember the first time you walked in?) and actually tear it apart and consume the delights of its inner goodness. And then comes along the $7.50 gold plates with a massive shell clam thingo with scallop mornay. I think that's what you call it. This shiz is sacred people. Good on ya for eating it :)

I must say that I'm at stage 5- I love my sashimi and I think due to my incredible dislike for prawns and other seafoods in general, that I'm gonna stay on stage 5 for a long time. I must say that very rare beef is lovely but you need the shallots and sauces to accompany it. I am yet to develop a stage 7 and maybe 8 if that exists but that would involve me getting out of my stage 5. Where abouts are you on the sushi noob order? :D 

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